Fraying at the Edges

It’s getting warm; the 20th anniversary is coming and tension around that is filling the ether that holds the social media universe suspended, more so than most anniversaries. I wake up feeling anxious. I cry at the drop of a hat. I am fraying at the edges. I can feel it. I’m not unraveling, but if something catches one of those loose edges…

I am realizing that I have done more media interviews than I should, so if you are a journalist coming to my blog to contact me for an interview, the answer is probably no. I can’t tell my story anymore right now. I cannot talk about how I feel about legislators who just don’t give two shits about keeping guns away from children and the places children learn or how ironic it is that these legislators are generally part of the “pro-life” party. At any rate, I’ll fulfill the obligations I’ve already made to journalists, and then I’m going into self-protection mode.

Also, this is the first time in many, many years that I have not been at Columbine leading up to the anniversary. On the one hand, I am grateful not to be literally surrounded by reminders. On the other, I miss being around people who “get it.” I am certainly not opening up this can of worms in my new office. It’s a mixed bag, being away.

In no way do I want this post to discourage my MCHS and MSD friends from reaching out to me. I know you’re struggling, especially MSD with everything going on. But I think it’s good for you to know that it’s OK to say I’m not OK. It’s OK to set boundaries. And sometimes we fray at the edges, but we don’t have to unravel every time.

About admin

Paula is an author of historical fiction as well as a wife, mom, and teacher.
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8 Responses to Fraying at the Edges

  1. Jerrold (Ted) Zocco-Hochhalter says:

    Thank you, Paula, and may peace be with you as you continue YOUR healing journey.

  2. Barbara Gal says:

    Me too! Thanks for the French contact, it will maybe help me get through this by doing something positive. Sympathies to you about dealing with being away – I have felt that for 18 years. I have to be “there” every anniversary, hard as it is it would be worse to stay away. Surround yourself with those you love and who understand.

  3. Bee Adams says:

    I want you to know how much I, as a parent, appreciate the connection you made with my daughter. I know that it helped with her journey. Take care of. yourself and be proud of that.

  4. Dawn peters says:

    Peace to your big heart. Sending you love and hugs

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